confusion

I've had a few people over the last few months suggest I move on. Apparently, when you get stabbed, it seems like life isn't going according to plan.

I initially rejected the idea for a simple reason. This is my home, and the place I waited years to come back to. One person was able to arrange for a group of men to attack someone, with the end result that I was hurt, and left with some scars. Not much I can do about that now.

I didn't lie to my emplyer, and they chose to go the route of dishonesty and confrontation. Not much I can do about that now either. I decided to leave instead of battling them all year, which was expensive, but good for my mental health.

What I need to decide is whether or not I want to lose the good parts of my life here. I don't see much danger here, so that's not a reason to leave. I planned on transitioning to freelancing, and wound up doing it way ahead of schedule. I expected it would be difficult, and it is. One thing that's helping so far is the support of friends. People are trying to help me find students and part time work, and buying me drinks or food in order to lure me out of my house.

I expect I'll leave ZS at some point. I haven't seen most of the world, and would like to see a bit more. But I want to leave when it feels like time to move one, not because i'm being chased out. With the various headaches I have, I still am generally quite happy when my alarm goes off and it's time to begin my day, because I love my life and love what I do. I've known very few people who make that claim. I couldn't imagine putting a price on that feeling.

When I was in Hunan, Karen and I bought a kite to set on fire. It's an odd custom. You write wishes on the kite, then light a candle inside it. The flame heats the air, and it takes off like a small blimp. Ideally, it burns up, sending your wish into the next world. I don't know what she wished for, but I was kind of stumped. There seemed to be nothing I really wanted.

So I'm confused by the suggestion I should move on. I'm confused as to why others don't come here. It wouldn't work for everyone, but knowing what I gained, I'm surprised more don't try it.