why she hates me

Today in the av class, they heard two people talking about songs that remind them of other people. they were then asked to describe a song that makes them think of someone else. The answers were pretty weak. Nothing wrong with them, but they were clearly just going through the motions. So, they heard about why I had to delete "I Try" by Macy Gray from my mp3 player.

In 2001, when I was preparing to leave China, I was invited to a friend's house for karaoke. Not a big secret that I don't really like karaoke, but i like drinking and talking, and enjoy watching my friends sing. I just can't sing myself. So it was a decent enough time.

At one point, she asked me to pick an English song for her to sing for me. I chose I Try. It was one of the few songs I new and liked on MTV karaoke vol 16 or whatever it was. So, she sand a song about a person unable to say goodbye to someone else. Our feeling for each other were not romantic, but we were very close, and it dawned on her that she was singing a song about an inability to say goodbye to someone who was walking out of her life in a few days, and it was rather likely she'd never see me again. As she sang of a person choking as she said goodbye, she teared up, and as the song continued without her, with the singer trying to walk and stumbling, she tripped over to me, unable to see clearly. In a broken voice, she told me she'd miss me, and how much she hoped i'd be back one day, but that if I wasn't she'd remember me, and hoped I'd always be happy back in the States.

so, ever since, whenever i hear that song, i think of her, and how close we were and how much it hurt to say goodbye. particularly for her, as she didn't hink anyone would be dumb enough to fly that long just to see some friends.

So, after that, my students began giving more detailed answers, and some that were far more personal. Songs of old boyfriends, friends who moved away, songs their grandparents taught them, and other things that really moved some of their classmates. They sometimes forgot to be nervous and awkward as they spoke, getting caught up in the excitement of what they were saying. it worked.



In about 9 days, I'll be gathering a group of friends together for karaoke. One of them will be getting ready to sing, and as usual, I'll ask her not to cry. She didn't think it was funny when I came back to visit in 2002. Or 2004. Or 2005, 06, 07 or 08. Since i moved back into her life, it's gotten less funny. Apparently when i told her husband that she cried when I left, it was less than hilarious to her (though he and i found it pretty amusing). As much as she hates it, she keeps coming around, maybe because she knows she has a trump card. If I annoy her, she knows she can make me cry by singing one song.